The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
