Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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