do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Shame - the story of my life.
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