So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
