Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
