her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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