so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
