he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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