i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
