i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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