I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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