His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
