I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
