I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
