dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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