i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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