Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
