i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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