It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
