I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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