On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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