You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Did I show you my penis last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
