Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
