If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just invented taco cereal.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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