Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize