toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
