he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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