we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
