i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
