hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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