in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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