make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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