Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
