anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
