I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
