i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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