The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
