I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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