Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh god it's open bar.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
