Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
organizing the empties. That sober.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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