you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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