Sorry, I don't speak sober.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
