? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
