This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
