i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
