the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
