the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
