sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
