birth control should be required to get into college
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize