Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
