well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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