I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
