my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
