No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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