so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
