You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
