the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
