She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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