Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
