im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
