my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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