I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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