i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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