How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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