And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
