I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
