I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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