I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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