we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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