I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
