I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
