you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
