My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
