batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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